Life's tough...but I am tougher

I woke up on Tuesday Morning with a call, and all I knew then was my sis was to undergo a brain surgery. I left for States as soon as I could, with no idea what was happening next. Life was tough on me, extremely hard. And as I got closer to what was the actual problem-I realized I was unaware of the worst.

I got to Philly where at Upenn were the best doctors for an ENT brain surgery. The only safe part was that it wasn’t a cranial surgery- a huge satisfaction. Patrishia and I got there before sis and Devang kaka did. I have never seen myself that strong. No tears, big huge smile, no thinking of the pressure, no thinking of the surgery, just transmitting as much strength as I could to di. Though at that point that strength seemed very artificial to me, it seemed to be doing wonders for all in my family. I didn’t see mom and dad cry, which added to my strength. Its funny how when a family comes together, its no longer 4* strength of 1 person. It’s much more. Till the very end-till the last second before my surgery, my sis didn’t panic, was strong, all she knew then her reports very scary, she had tumor, cancer or an infection, all with equal probabilities, and she had signed a consent which talked about the complications of the operation- the key being that the mass was hitting both her optic nerves and her brain artery.

After 2 hours once the surgery began, we got a call in waiting area from the the Surgeon(Dr Chui), telling us the mass was benign. As dad hugged an over anxious mom who had carefully controlled her tears by distracting her thoughts with prayers, I sat on the chair and my tears knew no bound. God had done it once again for me. And there wasn’t a way to thank him. Happy I have been many times in life-but nothing even remotely compared to the happiness of saving my sisters life.

5 and a half hours later the doctor came back to inform us of the huge fungal infection that had ruptured her brain, her skull and her nerves. The major chunk of it was cleaned up. The remaining safe enough to be treated with medication. I compare that moment to the situation 8 hours before, the moment just after we were told the ct scan reports scared the surgeon. My faith in God will never weaken, thanks to this one moment, this one realization of his existence.

Di is fine now-she has to still take steroids for a bit, and with all her will-power go back to her patients. She has other risks to take care of, a packing to be removed-which will be painful but my parents will be around to take care of that. I have weakened since the surgery. It was hard to see her in whichever form she was. I chickened out and decided to go back to Toronto as it was hard to see her in pain.

I’ll work hard in life to thank god for the new life he has given my sister. I love you di-I cannot tell you how much, but enough that my life would come to a standstill without you. God- you didn’t save one life on Wednesday, you saved four.

Every Life when looked back is such a dream

I feel a terrible pang in my heart
And the more expressive I wanna be
The more I fall short of words.
Through the perseverence and caring
I gave you as I stood by your zillion things
It was very easy for you to not remember
to not notice my absence among your million friends

Though I miss you, as I have in many daily errands
when youre in my homeland, and I am closer to urs
I feel Ill never meet you again that way
That if my absence in the group meant nothing
I feel my presence also meant the same-nothing

I sorta decided I wouldnt blog about this,

but I will..coz I cant always be miss perfect ;)

I was there, same places, same roads

At the corner of Dasman, at the museum,

I was on those roads, we went together

That one day, I want to re-live,

with that each person who made it happen

things will never be the same again,

but that day, the 28th of December

was the last day in life,

where God heard many unconscious wishes

the last day where I felt happiness,

I may never be that happy again,

I may never love you that way again,

I may reach that level of friendhsip again,

I may never meet someone like you again,

but i'll never lose hope

cause u've taught me

impossible is nothing!