as its gettin closer to bidding farewell...

"Jaage hain der tak hamein
Kuch der sone do
Thodi si raat aur hai
Subaah toh hone do

Aadhe adhoore khaab jo
Poore na ho sake
Ek baar phir se neend mein
Who khaab bone do"

watchin things fallin in place

i was watching darsh in the mall...

he would pick up different things from different places and then mix them up everywhere...

then he would see how sad I was with all the mess...then begin placing things where they belonged...

Of lately...I have seen some divine power do the same to me...

Things are getting back in place...one by one...

each incident...each person...

Yest was one changing day in my life...uneventful...but so powerful to make me sing and dance everywhere...

There's some power old friends possess...no matter how immature a few can be...lol

One more thing I learnt oflately...mainly impressed by pursuit of happiness which i saw years ago...

that we can never be happy...we can only pursue that feeling...and work towards making self happy...Sometimes,  I realized too, that it just impossible to not love someone with all you have..impossible...coz thats the person who has selflessly taken care of you...in them and with them you have seen the world, cherished your dreams which has felt like spending a lifetime...examples of such people could be as simple as your parents/friends and as complicated as your boyfriend/girlfriend...You cant help but see the world in their faces...and some bitchy times make u bitter but you still look in their eyes to find that world...

On that note- I want to add, many of my grudges, misunderstandings have been cleared...my frustration is being channeled into reading, going out...its no longer haphazard without a reason...I am analyzing every bit of my feelings before throwing a few frustrating nonsensical words at people...I feel like my thought process and words have direction...i feel i have taken a huge step towards getting matured and I want to remain so for the rest of the yr...so here on christmas eve...my new yr resolution is ready too...heheh...

God bless us all...n support us through pressing times...

fear...

heart stops for a moment
to see somethin u dont want to
to hear somethin u dont want to

m really scared
with many things goin wrong
if times arent wrong n neither m i
then wats all this

shut are my eyes..
shut are my ears
with all this fear
to face

i m the face in the mirror
who cant face her own eyes
my heart goes out to u n ur family
my heart goes out to u sister
courage he shall give
jus hold ur patience
for yet one another trial in life

=)

i dunno wat i want...

but i m a lot more confident...stronger...

i dont know wats making me smile...

he who gave me thi new msn...or he who called me several times for small shitty things..

lol

i dont care...n i love it...thanks u=)

...

emptiness...

family...

leader...

understanding...

quiet...

happiness...

smile...

support...

loneliness...

tears...

fed up...

friends...

rough...

uneasy...

unfairness...

silence...

bear...

control...

more tears...

doha...

mom...

villa # 19

hug...

injustice...

heartbroken...mm..lol

better safe then sorry...

go slow...lol

So i found out today tht 96% is committed...n tht too very loyally...

m i heartbroken...m may b...

but m glad this time God didnt take too long...

n now i understand u better too mr.96% and all ur weirdness...

bad exam...need to get working really hard for the next one...

but gud day...made me grow a little more stronger...

home is where u r...

mom...i know u love me n miss me...

n u really dont havto feel guilty of not been able to make it here...

i promise..u'll never have to in life

had i ever thought i culdnt have done it, i wouldnt have come here in the first place...

i pray n wish that u have pleasant stay over at her apartment...

where my heart lies in the beats of that city...

n its funny...tht home is where u r mom,

n its true that when u r here...

this stupid place becomes home too...

some decisions in life dont come after hrs of thinking..

they come with a heads or tails...

they come with vibes...

now that we meet...i promise u wont cry of having to see me leave....

so true is whoever who said...no1 in this little world is more true to you..than they who give birth...excited about home...:):):)

i dont have much to look frwd to

i feel really strange...m i have decided that i'll give words to my emotions...

coz i feel i cant talk m heart out..i'll talk it here...

i cried today...

once at 12...then after i hung up...

i saw myself in the mirror and felt bad for making a fool of myself by cryin...

then i went to the library...

i cried again...once while sitting down...

n then after meetin ppl....

no m not homesick

n its high time i stop giving this excuse each time i cry

I am hurt...n to this day-I would have reacted exactly the same way back home with my parents...

mom...where ever u are...jus take me in ur arms and promise me u'll never leave me...bas...dont want nething more

thnks

with u by my side...i need no more...