pain

Pain is something in life, the more you talk about the more it gets exposed. If you dont talk about it, it remains like a neverhealing wound.
I have been accused often-of sharing it too much...so for the past few months
I have left it silent, within, unspoken if not hidden...one reason I have stopped writing, commenting.

Its awesome...self realization means nothing...people never realize till something happens
till someone makes it spoken or acts in a way its there...

I have stopped demanding...I dont ask...ignore, smile and learn to say "np". Try to accept things the way they are..leave the permanence behind...and assume it will all change...and change for the better..
and did I say assume...there would like to add 2 more words...assume a fiction, it never happens...nothing really changes for the better, it changes to make you stronger.

while this laid back approach has made me largely silent and passive, it has taught me to ignore, to not think about the OBVIOUS. Maturity in today's world is very wrongly mistaken for basically letting shit happen and not complain.

I feel Gods forcing me badly to say- I wanna stop being the one who always gives up, who always loves, who always care. I now wanna be the one who receives, who's loves, who gets the caring and nurturing and who wants to smile.

Today, I remember the person I was-2 years back. Its a similar feeling and a similar visual- that of someone who has woken up every morning and slept every night crying with absolutely no1 noticing. Its a nice feeling today, coz atleast I am not accused of sharing too much.