m excited...really excited..
i can visualize haveli rite now..
i felt for a bit i was in there...where she had blessed me for somethin so not my thing...

i remember that black n white dress....those eyebrows goin up...
i m jus so happy....u're comin...if anythin...its the thought of u around...like a dream it is
that has come true...

i remember that nite...while studying..(not reading)...wen i came back up to see those tears...

i remember those arguments...those eyes...tht trip at ur place...those 15days wid u...

he's always have thoe capacity to gimme back my smile...n that one thought has infact brought it back...

27th September...this day shall jus remain one unforgettable date...

i feel u around...n u gimme back my strength...

i want to get the summer internship offer from Ernst & Young...coz thats wat i truly want...i want to start a life whose existence is based on me...wrong decisions here n there but all mine...

i want my seminar attendance to turn up...

i want to open my eyes to see love in them...not hatred...

i want to be able to not forgive ppl for repeating their wrongs...

i want to read my mind...

i want to be able to see my parents every day...

i want to go to a family...

i want a family...

i want to learn how to skate...

i want to climb mount everest

i wish i culd call that no. again n be like hey wat u upto...lets go to garam masala...i wish i graduated with him...i miss u raghav...n i thank u for all u've done in life...
frm a rezPAL...who prolly realizes today how hard it is to be one..

n i hear myself cry...louder n louder

its so peaceful wen we keep our eyes closed...
but once we open them...boom...the reality is here...
with struggles of life getting harder n harder...
with defeat coming by after the long trials...
sometimes i feel
its jus not worth fighting..
as i cry alone every morning...
as i go stronger in the day...
as i sleep widout support at nite...
i have come to realize
that ppl will be there all along...
but the ways of life are such...
that ur trials are the ones u face alone...
coz its not time
but caring love that heals wounds...
n these wounds are felt the most
coz they had no mothering around them...
sometimes its jus not easy to accept defeat..
n sometime failure isnt a stepping stone to success
sometimes a thousand lies are powerful than one truth
n sometimes its destiny to see urself cry silently within closed doors..

the art of detaching...the new attaching

I had promised myself
if i was hurt...i will not care...i will move on...
i wanna detach frm ppl around me...i wanna fight this new battle on my own...
ppl who chose not to ask need not know...ppl who chose to silently support can still if they want to...
i wanna detach ...move away frm the world...
i hate ppl who live in it...who conviniently change facts coz their needs change...
who play wid ppl's emotions...prolly thats the reason y god has made them like that...coz they are incapable of love...of affection...that they crave for lust n desires...
i will stand up for myself...coz m totally worth it...i havent wronged ny1...n those who have will pay a price...

UTM..

So...
I should prolly just resort to bloggin...i dunno if it will serve the purpose..
though i do know that is one way i can keep account to wat i do in life..

training...intensive as usual...m glad there are ppl to help around...
my net is finally wrkin...but only on the old laptop...which means i have to the new one n get it fixed...

weird it is...i feel ironical n funny about having a guy next to me in the flight...he was back from a funeral..no i didnt feel my life was miserable or that this guy had to stop jus becoz my heart was feelin weird too at the time...but yea honestly..i have been thinkin about how grateful i m ...to ppl in general...

m disappointed about RD not callin n stuff be4 i leave...but i guess...that short message will compensate for a lot..m worried about a friend who has been fighting the temptation to play with ppl's emotions...to make a trade off between hurtin her bf n hurtin her...today m glad i m in no relationship..i feel odd...helpless..even wid guys around in my life...with friends who cant help the pain in my life...who wanna choose to let me be in one for watever reason...

I feel much stronger than before...its weird i dont miss him...with ppl talkin about him all the time...n its weirder still that i m actually handlin it well without him in life...in true sense of the word ...i feel independent...like yea...wat i achieved in Canada was mine n only mine...n now i feel it stronger that everythin i shall achieve should be mine too...whether i do come outta the mess in life or not is a different story...but i take great pride in the fact of being here alone...ppl left...n laid strong..ppl culdn help my tears ...i was still strong...

want nothin....
really nothin....
n a real real nothin....
so much in life
u do...
so many things..
u answer....
m glad
outta all the ppl in the wrld
who never get the satisfaction of friends...
u've always made sure
some of my true ones were always around...
thnk u !