The plan is to stay strong
To be a friend
to a friend...to a sis
The plan is to never let go
Of you, who has always cared
My dearest friends
"C , N & R"
I love you
more than nything else
you're my true assets
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thursday, December 3, 2009
you used the word 'care' and 'respect' to define a lot of feelings today...
it has helped, such a great deal to calm those many unspoken feelings..
that may be what I have for him is the niceness I want to return...
that his opinion counts because I respect those some attributes he makes visible..
and that love was a totally different thing...too far fetched for us to discuss
or to see in a person you've bearly known or seen around other people...
that while he was distant, it was easy to for him to hide qualities
he didnt want to make visible...and that you cant love him
because there is such a possibility that he is one among those
many people you dont like too much, or are not attracted to here...
This explains why, so many people who dream of the picture perfect guy
find them in long distance or online relationships, because its now so easy
to fit in that picture perfect definition, or become something others want you to be
it has helped, such a great deal to calm those many unspoken feelings..
that may be what I have for him is the niceness I want to return...
that his opinion counts because I respect those some attributes he makes visible..
and that love was a totally different thing...too far fetched for us to discuss
or to see in a person you've bearly known or seen around other people...
that while he was distant, it was easy to for him to hide qualities
he didnt want to make visible...and that you cant love him
because there is such a possibility that he is one among those
many people you dont like too much, or are not attracted to here...
This explains why, so many people who dream of the picture perfect guy
find them in long distance or online relationships, because its now so easy
to fit in that picture perfect definition, or become something others want you to be
you used the word 'care' and 'respect' to define a lot of feelings today...
it has helped, such a great deal to calm those many unspoken feelings..
that may be what I have for him is the niceness I want to return...
that his opinion counts because I respect those some attributes he makes visible..
and that love was a totally different thing...too far fetched for us to discuss
or to see in a person you've bearly known or seen around other people...
that while he was distant, it was easy to for him to hide qualities
he didnt want to make visible...and that you cant love him
because there is such a possibility that he is one among those
many people you dont like too much, or are not attracted to here...
This explains why, so many people who dream of the picture perfect guy
find them in long distance or online relationships, because its now so easy
to fit in that picture perfect definition, or become something others want you to be
it has helped, such a great deal to calm those many unspoken feelings..
that may be what I have for him is the niceness I want to return...
that his opinion counts because I respect those some attributes he makes visible..
and that love was a totally different thing...too far fetched for us to discuss
or to see in a person you've bearly known or seen around other people...
that while he was distant, it was easy to for him to hide qualities
he didnt want to make visible...and that you cant love him
because there is such a possibility that he is one among those
many people you dont like too much, or are not attracted to here...
This explains why, so many people who dream of the picture perfect guy
find them in long distance or online relationships, because its now so easy
to fit in that picture perfect definition, or become something others want you to be
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
these 4 yrs...
i have walked
step by step
vacation by vacation
semester by semester
with change of friends,
change of support,
change of persona
change of dreams
change of heart
change of values
I have walked thus far...
these years
i shall never forget
these days...that made me
that shaped me...
life can be
such a dream...
i have walked
step by step
vacation by vacation
semester by semester
with change of friends,
change of support,
change of persona
change of dreams
change of heart
change of values
I have walked thus far...
these years
i shall never forget
these days...that made me
that shaped me...
life can be
such a dream...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Life's tough...but I am tougher
I woke up on Tuesday Morning with a call, and all I knew then was my sis was to undergo a brain surgery. I left for States as soon as I could, with no idea what was happening next. Life was tough on me, extremely hard. And as I got closer to what was the actual problem-I realized I was unaware of the worst.
I got to Philly where at Upenn were the best doctors for an ENT brain surgery. The only safe part was that it wasn’t a cranial surgery- a huge satisfaction. Patrishia and I got there before sis and Devang kaka did. I have never seen myself that strong. No tears, big huge smile, no thinking of the pressure, no thinking of the surgery, just transmitting as much strength as I could to di. Though at that point that strength seemed very artificial to me, it seemed to be doing wonders for all in my family. I didn’t see mom and dad cry, which added to my strength. Its funny how when a family comes together, its no longer 4* strength of 1 person. It’s much more. Till the very end-till the last second before my surgery, my sis didn’t panic, was strong, all she knew then her reports very scary, she had tumor, cancer or an infection, all with equal probabilities, and she had signed a consent which talked about the complications of the operation- the key being that the mass was hitting both her optic nerves and her brain artery.
After 2 hours once the surgery began, we got a call in waiting area from the the Surgeon(Dr Chui), telling us the mass was benign. As dad hugged an over anxious mom who had carefully controlled her tears by distracting her thoughts with prayers, I sat on the chair and my tears knew no bound. God had done it once again for me. And there wasn’t a way to thank him. Happy I have been many times in life-but nothing even remotely compared to the happiness of saving my sisters life.
5 and a half hours later the doctor came back to inform us of the huge fungal infection that had ruptured her brain, her skull and her nerves. The major chunk of it was cleaned up. The remaining safe enough to be treated with medication. I compare that moment to the situation 8 hours before, the moment just after we were told the ct scan reports scared the surgeon. My faith in God will never weaken, thanks to this one moment, this one realization of his existence.
Di is fine now-she has to still take steroids for a bit, and with all her will-power go back to her patients. She has other risks to take care of, a packing to be removed-which will be painful but my parents will be around to take care of that. I have weakened since the surgery. It was hard to see her in whichever form she was. I chickened out and decided to go back to Toronto as it was hard to see her in pain.
I’ll work hard in life to thank god for the new life he has given my sister. I love you di-I cannot tell you how much, but enough that my life would come to a standstill without you. God- you didn’t save one life on Wednesday, you saved four.
I got to Philly where at Upenn were the best doctors for an ENT brain surgery. The only safe part was that it wasn’t a cranial surgery- a huge satisfaction. Patrishia and I got there before sis and Devang kaka did. I have never seen myself that strong. No tears, big huge smile, no thinking of the pressure, no thinking of the surgery, just transmitting as much strength as I could to di. Though at that point that strength seemed very artificial to me, it seemed to be doing wonders for all in my family. I didn’t see mom and dad cry, which added to my strength. Its funny how when a family comes together, its no longer 4* strength of 1 person. It’s much more. Till the very end-till the last second before my surgery, my sis didn’t panic, was strong, all she knew then her reports very scary, she had tumor, cancer or an infection, all with equal probabilities, and she had signed a consent which talked about the complications of the operation- the key being that the mass was hitting both her optic nerves and her brain artery.
After 2 hours once the surgery began, we got a call in waiting area from the the Surgeon(Dr Chui), telling us the mass was benign. As dad hugged an over anxious mom who had carefully controlled her tears by distracting her thoughts with prayers, I sat on the chair and my tears knew no bound. God had done it once again for me. And there wasn’t a way to thank him. Happy I have been many times in life-but nothing even remotely compared to the happiness of saving my sisters life.
5 and a half hours later the doctor came back to inform us of the huge fungal infection that had ruptured her brain, her skull and her nerves. The major chunk of it was cleaned up. The remaining safe enough to be treated with medication. I compare that moment to the situation 8 hours before, the moment just after we were told the ct scan reports scared the surgeon. My faith in God will never weaken, thanks to this one moment, this one realization of his existence.
Di is fine now-she has to still take steroids for a bit, and with all her will-power go back to her patients. She has other risks to take care of, a packing to be removed-which will be painful but my parents will be around to take care of that. I have weakened since the surgery. It was hard to see her in whichever form she was. I chickened out and decided to go back to Toronto as it was hard to see her in pain.
I’ll work hard in life to thank god for the new life he has given my sister. I love you di-I cannot tell you how much, but enough that my life would come to a standstill without you. God- you didn’t save one life on Wednesday, you saved four.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I feel a terrible pang in my heart
And the more expressive I wanna be
The more I fall short of words.
Through the perseverence and caring
I gave you as I stood by your zillion things
It was very easy for you to not remember
to not notice my absence among your million friends
Though I miss you, as I have in many daily errands
when youre in my homeland, and I am closer to urs
I feel Ill never meet you again that way
That if my absence in the group meant nothing
I feel my presence also meant the same-nothing
And the more expressive I wanna be
The more I fall short of words.
Through the perseverence and caring
I gave you as I stood by your zillion things
It was very easy for you to not remember
to not notice my absence among your million friends
Though I miss you, as I have in many daily errands
when youre in my homeland, and I am closer to urs
I feel Ill never meet you again that way
That if my absence in the group meant nothing
I feel my presence also meant the same-nothing
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I sorta decided I wouldnt blog about this,
but I will..coz I cant always be miss perfect ;)
I was there, same places, same roads
At the corner of Dasman, at the museum,
I was on those roads, we went together
That one day, I want to re-live,
with that each person who made it happen
things will never be the same again,
but that day, the 28th of December
was the last day in life,
where God heard many unconscious wishes
the last day where I felt happiness,
I may never be that happy again,
I may never love you that way again,
I may reach that level of friendhsip again,
I may never meet someone like you again,
but i'll never lose hope
cause u've taught me
impossible is nothing!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
i gotta feeling...that tonights gonna be a good good night:)
proud of what you're
of everything that makes you
proud I am, seeing u've stood by
that soul that had lost everything
this is your day, your night, this is your awaited vacation
u deserve every bit of this day, every bit of this feeling
With an offer letter from Ernst & young canada,
with many thanks to those who have made this possible
this is Sweta signing off..
proud of what you're
of everything that makes you
proud I am, seeing u've stood by
that soul that had lost everything
this is your day, your night, this is your awaited vacation
u deserve every bit of this day, every bit of this feeling
With an offer letter from Ernst & young canada,
with many thanks to those who have made this possible
this is Sweta signing off..
Sunday, August 2, 2009
This means a lot to me, this moment, how not replaceable you are, how I can not forget you even if I try to, that i have no control on what i want today. Like as if this is destiny and this is written.
To this moment I confess, I have never felt as powerless as this...Its a feeling of awe, a creature like feeling submitting to the One above, you cant, just cant, go against his wish.
To this moment I confess, I have never felt as powerless as this...Its a feeling of awe, a creature like feeling submitting to the One above, you cant, just cant, go against his wish.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
At the hospital I saw- :)
God has made the world such, that it lets you see two faces of everything. He has very conveniently then let man choose which face he wishes to see. In these times of crisis, I think I have realized, how hard it is to once see the good side to everything, and anything especially those small tiny things. We complain, about friends not keeping in touch, about peoplr being rude, the way they say things, or the way they see it, the way we see it, about not having enough money, not having enough friends, not having enough opportunities, not having "ENOUGH" basically. We which if everything was according to what we wish for, or what we want things according to what we had planned for, or what our otherwise already occupied minds had envisioned. Today, if not through my eyes, then trhough my mom's I realized how wrong it is that we keep keeping the wrong things, keep getting the wrong vibes. The solution of this state of mind is simple, easy- to think right, and for once to see what God has give us and not someone else. How is has carefully made sure that your life is just plainly, by virtue of no capacity of your own, is prettier than atleast 5 people u've met in a single day, even more if u're careful enough to notice.
Happiness is weighed on a scale of expectations- the higher you expect impossible things(which u do as its God's way to help you see the difference between right and wrong), the harder and harder it gets to be happier.
Happiness is weighed on a scale of expectations- the higher you expect impossible things(which u do as its God's way to help you see the difference between right and wrong), the harder and harder it gets to be happier.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
1) some things I will forever keep private, sacred.
2)But if seeing him again-and merely touching his hand-could peel so many layers of my heart, then did I ever stop loving him the way you're supposed to stop loving everyone but the one you're with?If the answer is no, then will the lapse of time or a change of geography really fix the problem?And regardless of the answer, what does the mere question say about my relationship with Andy?
3)"I just felt desperate to finish the school year, get in a new routine...a new place where I wasn't always reminded of Mom..."-my fav.
4)I think back to Leo's earlier comments today, about how he took himself too serious;y. Maybe that was tru, but I can also see that I didnt take myself seriously enough. and it was that lethal combinstion that made our breakup virtually inevitable.
2)But if seeing him again-and merely touching his hand-could peel so many layers of my heart, then did I ever stop loving him the way you're supposed to stop loving everyone but the one you're with?If the answer is no, then will the lapse of time or a change of geography really fix the problem?And regardless of the answer, what does the mere question say about my relationship with Andy?
3)"I just felt desperate to finish the school year, get in a new routine...a new place where I wasn't always reminded of Mom..."-my fav.
4)I think back to Leo's earlier comments today, about how he took himself too serious;y. Maybe that was tru, but I can also see that I didnt take myself seriously enough. and it was that lethal combinstion that made our breakup virtually inevitable.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
A sunday Morn, a long weekend, a bright new life
Its possible, or is it not
to take back your love
to trash it and let it go?
life is...so demanding
Its been 3 work days,
its been tiring,
its been a lot of work
some ppl annoy me
but some ppl are jus like that
in this world
with new surprises
i m still happy
I got my first client
and i was surprised
how my schedule said it was my only client
I dont care
its a huge huge bank
just perfectly as I wanted it to be
I miss my free time
And I make the most of it
when I get some
to take back your love
to trash it and let it go?
life is...so demanding
Its been 3 work days,
its been tiring,
its been a lot of work
some ppl annoy me
but some ppl are jus like that
in this world
with new surprises
i m still happy
I got my first client
and i was surprised
how my schedule said it was my only client
I dont care
its a huge huge bank
just perfectly as I wanted it to be
I miss my free time
And I make the most of it
when I get some
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Given this day- 12th May 2009
From a mail to sis
"I start work tomorrow...so this morn i went to downtown to figure out how to get there etc. Omg...I loved it! the experience of being in a train full with ppl going to work...the small streets, the dressed ppl, the busy life and the big tall towers...n me working in one of those...woowoooooo!!!!
I have said this many times before, but like I really mean it - " I cant wait to start work!Like tomorrow's the big day". When you see a dream that looks soo good, and you feel that its on its track of getting fulfilled-life's so good, u want to do everything to let it happen. :)"
So thats the reason for a very jolly me-just incase you were wondering...heheh:D
Thanks jiby, if you're reading!
"I start work tomorrow...so this morn i went to downtown to figure out how to get there etc. Omg...I loved it! the experience of being in a train full with ppl going to work...the small streets, the dressed ppl, the busy life and the big tall towers...n me working in one of those...woowoooooo!!!!
I have said this many times before, but like I really mean it - " I cant wait to start work!Like tomorrow's the big day". When you see a dream that looks soo good, and you feel that its on its track of getting fulfilled-life's so good, u want to do everything to let it happen. :)"
So thats the reason for a very jolly me-just incase you were wondering...heheh:D
Thanks jiby, if you're reading!
Friday, May 8, 2009
things culdnt get happier
memories culdnt get fonder
days couldnt get shorter
smiles culdnt ger broader
heart couldnt get heavier
life couldnt make me stronger
thank u..to whoever is above...
cant ask for any more
n where there are
such friendships that r so true,
who really needs that fake love;
n where there are
such memories that are so happy
who really needs new ones
memories culdnt get fonder
days couldnt get shorter
smiles culdnt ger broader
heart couldnt get heavier
life couldnt make me stronger
thank u..to whoever is above...
cant ask for any more
n where there are
such friendships that r so true,
who really needs that fake love;
n where there are
such memories that are so happy
who really needs new ones
Monday, April 20, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
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